A friend of mine recently filed for divorce. Her reasons I
have heard before and I expect many women in their 40’s and up have heard the
same story. It is not scandalizing like another woman or man. It is not a new
awakening to a life being held back by a spouse. It is not a change in
sexuality. It is not an abusive relationship. It is the adult children!
Most of the women and men friends I know who sited the adult
children theirs or their partners as the reason for their divorce were in a
second or third marriage. As one friend aptly put it, “The thought of every
holiday, every birthday, every occasion, looking at those kids and their kids
across the table was making me sick”. There you have it!
For some people grandchildren give a second chance of
redemption as a parent. Some feel they were too busy with their career or
social life and were not the parent they wanted to be to their kids but want to
make up for this with their grand kids. Great unless the current partner is not
on board with this! A friend of mine could not deal with all the money his wife
was spending on the grand kids. He was not comfortable with the babysitting and
time his wife was devoting to the grand kids. When his stepdaughter ended up in
rehab for 6 months and they became responsible for her 4-month-old baby for
that time, it truly tested their relationship. They ended in divorce.
A friend of mine was on marriage number 2 when she chose a
divorce. Her first marriage ended after about 10 years and 2 kids because she
said they married too young and grown separately. Her latest marriage is ending
because her kids are now grown and her current husband had children late in
life and she is not interested in helping raise teenagers/young adults again in
her late 50’s!
These are just a few examples of the divorce reasons I am hearing
among my friends. Is it a new phenomenon
or has it always been going on?
9 comments:
I am not sure, but I wonder if these people had counseling or were just naive. Kids were our biggest issue and they were all young. I think the older the kids get the harder it is!
I think you are right!
I know when my father was with his girlfriend-then-wife who was only 9 years older than I am, it was extremely difficult and awkward. She wanted my kids to call her "grandma." My father's 3rd wife couldn't stand us. I believe we were a big part of the the reason both marriages ended.
Good for you Sharon to own it. Of course hind sight is easier than living in the moment.
It can be really difficult for everyone and often getting older for the parents or the kids doesn't help either!
Ditto what Still Blonde said. I heard this aphorism: "Little people, little problems. Big people, big problems."
I think blended families have a lot to deal with. I wonder if it's new, or if we just hear about it more. Extended families, as well (like raising your child's child).
This is a new one to me! But I have heard of one parent not "letting go" and continuing to be "too" active in their adult children's lives, when the other spouse wants to enjoy their empty nest a bit more!
It's so important to maintain a relationship with your spouse, other than Mom or Dad to your kids. Date night is important!
Home Place, you are right maintaining identities is important. I cringe when I hear a woman say that she is just a "Mommy" and her kids are in their mid thirties!
Haven't personally heard of this but not surprising. Anyone considering marriage needs to consider kids (grown or otherwise) before taking the leap.
Nash got arrested for pilfering several light bulbs
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