Many women
in mid life are at the top of their career ladder, or getting ready to retire
or have retired and their kids are gone and out of the home. Plans are changed
because Mom and/or Dad, or your mother-in-law/father-in law, needs your help.
If you don’t live close to the aging parent what do you do? Some have moved Mom or Dad closer to them.
Many elderly move into an assisted living facility, others move in with their
kids. But as the age and health issues continue, helping takes on a more active
role in the life of the middle age woman. The popular lexicon name is the
“Sandwich” generation. You understand,
you just finished raising your kids into hopefully functional adults and now
you are parenting again but this time it is your ‘parent’.
Along with
being elderly come many physical issues and mental issues. Whether it is a
mobility problem, hearing problem, vision problem or mental problem, the bottom
line is that your parent is not the strong, vital person they once were. You
are now that person and the parent child relationship has reversed. The
financial responsibilities can be overwhelming.
My Mother
moved into an assisted care facility 4 years ago. She recently moved onto the
‘Memory’ floor. My Mother had the income to afford the facility she wanted. It
is a beautiful place with wonderful activities and food and staff. My sister
and I are very fortunate. We also have a cousin that is a born caregiver and
will take my Mother to all her doctor appointments, out to lunch and shopping
and she lives in the same city.
As my Mother
is approaching her 90th birthday she has become extremely forgetful.
Dementia or Alzheimer, whatever it is, it is moving fast. She is a very social
person, with a great vocabulary so she covers her state of mind well in her
charming pleasant conversations. To those of us in the family we clearly see
her rapid decline. Talking on the phone is becoming a challenge. She says we
are speaking too fast and not enunciating our words! My family is adjusting to
Mother’s decline with love and humor.
What experiences have you had with an
elderly parent? What plans have you made or have your parents made for their
elderly care?
4 comments:
oh haralee - unfortunately this is so appropriate for my life right now. I watched both my grandparents go through nursing homes and now my MIL is in a vicious cycle - assisted living, bad fall, hospital, rehab, and back again. I feel so bad for my husband who lost his dad only a few months ago AND we are both only children which makes everything harder.
You are so luck yo have your cousin!!!
We do have some great friends and family that pitch in, too.
I feel for your husband. So many moves is very unpleasant.
I am lucky also to have my sister And we agree on my Mother's care and in sync with my cousin.
I have 2 only child friends and it is tough making all the decisions alone. I also have friends with several siblings and coming to an agreement can also be tough! You do what you can and keep your loved one safe and happy that 's all that matters.
Haralee I can appreciate how hard this is for you. 10 years ago (while I was living in Asia) my mother had to be put in a nursing home for Alzheimers. I flew home on a day's notice to help my Dad in making it happen. We were lucky that she was able to get into a great facility, with caring people and a very homey feel. She has since passed away.
I am so sorry for your loss Nicole.
Some assisted living and Alzheimer facilities are wonderful. Thank goodness there are people who have the temperment to work so lovingly at these places!
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